Digging deep (a perimenopause update)

I’m sat in my office with a coat on, cancelling my birthday party. I’ve got some unexpectedly big building works happening in my flat which is one reason for it, but it’s also in keeping with the past 6 months. Although the quality of my sleep is better than 2-3 years ago, a constant level of fatigue has drifted in and with it, a slow social withdrawal.

Friends probably haven’t seen me linger for more than an hour or so at a party (if I show up at all) and my regular hosting habits have disappeared. I’ve also seen some people a lot less, choosing instead to concentrate on time spent with a smaller selection of friends. I listened to ‘Wintering‘ the other day which is mostly naff but a useful framework for this strange moment in my perimenopause journey. Maybe this is all perfectly normal?

The National Social Anxiety Centre talks about social anxiety as a byproduct of the menopause but it doesn’t exactly fit how I’m feeling. I still organise events, I still work with a lot of people, I still care about my friends and family but I don’t have as much energy to expand. My social battery doesn’t go as far. When I talk to friends about this, testosterone levels or anemia come up as possible problems. I’m not as quick as they are to seek a diagnosis but perhaps I should be.

The cost of doing less can easily spiral into having less to do. I’m aware, I’m just too tired to do much about it just now. Maybe when the builders all leave, things will brighten up.